I Won't Lie...

I'm scared right now. The fear in me has increased in me almost double since I found out about this thing in my breast. I have God and He is my strength but I'm still human. I'm still infallible. This traveling into the unknown of cancer treatments has my mind shifting into overdrive and putting pedal to the metal. It's like my mind is singing Sammy Hagar's I Can't Drive 55!!! I can only wear my brave face for so long.

It's usually when I'm alone when the devil tries to sneak onto my shoulder to whisper in my ear. Have you ever noticed how loud the devil is?!? You know loud like that loud-ass coworker who needs the entire room to know they are present and accounted for in ev-ery word that comes out of her mouth?!? Yeah, I have someone in mind. I don't like her because her volume dial starts on 90 and just goes from there. You be holding your head shaking it back and forth, with your eyes closed and in your head, you're saying, "Bitch STFU! I don't want or care to know WTF you are saying because you ain't talking about nuthin'." Automatic doors...you know the ones so thick that you have to trigger them to open. You can hear her through those doors. I'll be in the sitting area. Those doors are about 20 yards from where I am sitting. She can be 50 yards from those doors in the opposite direction and her loud ass mouth can be heard loud and clear. There's no such thing as a loudspeaker or a bullhorn. She is a bullhorn. I guess I veered from the subject at hand. But you get just how loud the devil can be in my ear. While the angel is on the other side trying sign-language and whatever he/she can to get my attention from that loud-ass devil on the other shoulder. *Queue the Cardi B WAP deaf interpreter*

My question...what do you do when the devil is category 5 loud? I be trying to sleep and he's working like he doesn't have anything else to do but to tap dance on my ears. That's usually when God will trigger a song in my head. Some track reminding me that God is with me, working through me and fighting for me. I didn't realize I had a God's jukebox in my head. I mean songs from old days of Negro spirituals to Christian pop music. I rely on music to help me through alot of my issues that requires God's hand. That's my weapon in the battle. The sounds that prompt me to praise Him.

I need to stop letting my mind betray me with thoughts that I know that aren't the truth. Easier said than done so I'll just put the quarter in my jukebox and hit repeat.

Before I go...are jukeboxes used nowadays?? If so, have they inflated the price like these damn vending machines? When have you ever bought a bag of chips that used to be 50 cents and now paying $1.50 or even $2. SMH!!!!

EDIT: When I wrote this I was about to go to work. During my shift, one of my small group members sent me a video of an old sermon that I need in this season of sickness. Thanks DJ.