Finding Beauty in the Battle

This is part 2 of Whatever You Do...

I've been asked so many times. Many times. How am I doing? Let's finally look at that question. I know people are concerned about my health. I know people want to help. I know people are being sympathetic when they ask. I KNOW it is a genuine knee-jerk response when a person is showing or has told them they aren't feeling good or is currently experiencing an illness. I'm not so cold-hearted that I don't think it comes from a genuine place. I'm going to say something that most people reading this will probably not expect.

Do the patients who are cancerous a favor?!? STOP ASKING!!! I know there isn't anything else to say but TRY. Do you realize as a patient we don't know half the time how we are feeling when you ask? You are placing us on the spot when you ask. You are placing us in a position to think about something we are literally trying to decipher as we feel it and bring it into words. It isn't that we don't want your concern, or we don't want you to ask. We genuinely do not know. Chemotherapy is a beast in itself. We don't know what it will do to our body or our personality from day to day. I could have a day full of energy. I could have bursts of energy throughout the day. I could wake up not wanting to get out of bed. I mean the emotions can stagger almost daily. I don't even want to tell you about the effect of chemo on the personality. You may want to be bothered with people, and you may not. Now imagine a day when your friend who is undergoing treatment is experiencing a day of low energy and not wanting to be bothered... Then here you come being the sympathetic human being asking them how they feel? What kind of answer do you want to receive because it can run the gamut? Being the patient, we don't want to hurt your feelings. We don't want you to not ask. We just want you to find a new question to ask. Examples: how's your energy level? What kind of interaction are you up to dealing with today? How are you tolerating the treatment today? Those are some good starts. Use those and work with your personality to come up with some that fit what you would say day to day.

Now... how do we deal with the restroom situation when it is real-time occurring? Lots and lots of praying. You are wanting God to work a miracle in that moment. You can't control anything in your body other than your eyes and your reaction. You can't stop the chain reaction of enzymatic processes in the body from taking over. The only thing you can do is keep your eyes open or allow them to close so you can catch up. When you can't overcome those processes, all you can do is pray to God incessantly for Him to intervene and not allow those processes to take your body to a place of no return.

I personally use Ephesians 6:10-11. When I'm out of my mind and cannot recall my bible verses, old reliable comes into play. "God take it away." That becomes repetitive. I will use that more than the verses. Think about it. You don't know what is going on with your body. You don't know if your next breath will be your last. You're afraid to close your eyes because you may not open them again. You don't know. So, you have to appeal to the one who does know what the next moment entails. "God take it away." It becomes your rock. It becomes your lifeline. God being the Almighty is what I used to go every day. I had to ask Him for the strength to do anything. The days when I didn't want to talk to Him or even acknowledge Him, I had to push aside my pride and let Him know that I needed Him and His help. The days went by easier most of the time. There were days when reading the Bible became commonplace. The days like what I experienced in the last post were few and far between but were enough to overshadow the good days I had control of. Those days were the ones where God had to carry me through because I wasn't in any position to do anything other than move out the way and let the Lord take it.

Therein lies the beauty of the battle...