I'm Starting to Look Like My Mother About the Head

My mom is 85 years old. She also carries the baldness gene in our family. Granted, she isn't sick like me, but she is losing her hair. Me? Chemotherapy is a gift that keeps on giving. I look at it like this...

Free bikini waxes!!!!

This week has brought me a variety of side effects. You already know about the hair loss. I have been a walking gas tank. Make sure you walk upwind. I mean a steady stream. Day and night. Loud and silent. Depending on what I have eaten determines what gas will erupt out of my ass. I was at work Tuesday evening, and I was hoping beyond hope that no one would come into my space because I was lighting it up. I also had to watch how I was sitting and letting it go. You can't trust the gas to BE just gas. I was sitting in my seat making sure it was air coming out. I'm glad the lab has a no-smoking policy. Let anyone have a match within a 5ft diameter and the lab would have been gone.

On another note... let's talk about being grateful. I've been told of the many side effects that come with taking chemo. The nurses have to gown up just to hook up my drugs. That in itself should tell you how toxic these drugs are. Being a follower of God, I need to find the silver lining in the world to be grateful for what is going on with me. Grateful for having cancer?! Yes, I'm grateful. I'm still alive. God hasn't killed me. He hasn't made this journey harder than I can handle. It's not over but still, so far, I'm grateful that it could be worse but it's not. I'm grateful for being able to still breathe. This disease can cause cardiomyopathy. This disease can cause me to have blood clots. I can get diarrhea really bad. I can become constipated at any given moment. I'm already seeing the lowering of my RBCs -red blood cells for the cheap seats. I'm grateful because I'm not dying. I'm grateful because I can still work and pay my bills. I'm grateful that God loves me so much that He felt I was worthy enough to be His child. Going through trials is what we as humans are designed for. It teaches us to mature and adapt or be the whiny, make-excuses person. I'm not too fond of anything about this disease because it took my daddy. I appreciate that God loves me enough to take me through it because He wants me to learn something to make me better and use it down the line of my life. The devil is trying his best to destroy me, but MY God is protecting me, carrying me through this. I have so much to be grateful for and I don't want to lose sight of that during this season of my life. Maybe I'll develop a habit where that will take me into the next season of trials I get. Yes...it will happen. It will continue to happen until I am dead. I will face another obstacle in this race I'm running.

I am the author of my life; unfortunately, I'm writing in pen and cannot erase my mistakes.

I love and loathe this quote. I am the author but really, I am not. You see me as the author because I make the choices, but God is actually writing my autobiography. There is nothing in my life I do that God hasn't meant for me to go through. He is the author. He's the Ghostwriter. He's the Plot Twist. He's the source material. He's the one in the cutting room. God is the best storyteller to ever live and I'm just one subject with more stories to come.

Again, I hope everyone has a great week. See y'all next week for treatment.