Comic Relief I've Encountered Since Diagnosis

Again, this has been a journey. Everything from diagnosis to the treatments - which started today I might add. Just the different encounters has made for comedic relief.

#1

Let's start with the check-ins. One of the most interesting things is the questions they ask. Are you experiencing any symptoms? Do you take any medications? Are you allergic to anything? Well, during one of my check-ins and I want to say it was for my first biopsy, one of the medical assistants called to get additional questions answered. Since I don't want to waste a lot of time trying to write this in paragraphs...I'll just write the dialogue.

MA: Are you currently experiencing any nausea or vomiting?

Me: No.

MA: Are you having any chest pains?

Me: No.

MA: Are you having or have you ever experienced seeing things that aren't there?

Me: *scrunches up my face* Ummm, no.

MA: Have you ever had thoughts of harming yourself or others?

Me: *pauses thinking* I haven't personally wanted to kill myself but in reference to harming

others, does stupid people count?

MA: *struggles with laughing* I'm going to say yes they do.

Me: Well then no, I don't think of harming people.

MA: I do get where you are coming from. I do understand the feeling.

Anyone who knows me, knows the question had to be asked. How many times have we encountered people who say or do stupid shit that makes you want to just choke the shit out of someone using the Force? And again for those who don't know I'm talking about Star Wars. The ability to choke people from afar. This is when I absolutely hate movies. Introducing actions that are soooo not capable of being used in real life.

#2

For some weird reason, I have had to go to the Mammo diagnostic center more times than most. I went for my initial diagnostic mammogram. Then I had to have an ultrasound. After, I was sent to have a biopsy. In that biopsy, there was the nurse, the Radiologist (Dr. KL - I'm choosing to try and keep his name anonymous), the resident, and then me. Because of the debacle called COVID-19, they must wear masks when interacting with patients. I get it. I do. I understand. Being that I live in Ohio, now we have to protect ourselves from Measles. Hah! *holding up hand* Don't even get me started on that medieval bullshit that was supposed to be eradicated back in the early 1900's. I do NOT wanna go there. Anymawho... I have had to see Dr. KL three times during this diagnostic phase. Hopefully, the third time was the last in a clinical capacity. During that last visit, lying on that gurney with my chesticles all out I was feeling some kind of way. So when the nurse and Dr. KL came in, I kind of just had it.

"Okay look, this is our third date...You have seen me with my breasts all out and I can't even see your face?! C'mon man you gotta take the mask off."

Laughs. I like to be silly and make people laugh. Laughter is much better than crying. I wasn't trying to come on to the doctor but when you are going through something as serious as this, I'd like a little normalcy. Thankfully they had a sense of humor and humored me by taking the masks off. I know. Inappropriate. I know. I guess I need the humor to make me relax and the people around me too, as well.

#3

Monday was the solar eclipse. I was not impressed. Once you've seen one, you've seen them all. My first was back in the early 80's. Standing outside in the schoolyard of J.T. Stevens Elementary looking up at the sun which we weren't supposed to be doing. They didn't have the good sense to make glasses for us. They came up with this contraption where you use two index cards with a hole in the top card was supposed to reflect the eclipse onto the bottom card. Am I an idiot or what? Let me rephrase that. Are they idiots because how can a reflection occur when the very thing that is shining is gonna be shrouded in darkness? SMH. Moving on. I met with my surgical oncologist on Monday. I got there early hoping to be seen early so I could bounce early. Not happening. While I was sitting in another exam room - again with my chesticles out - the medical assistant comes in and says, "So Dr. JL (go figure both doctors have the same last name) wants to go out and watch the eclipse, you're welcome to come and join her."

*Blank Face with blinking eyes* The medical assistant was looking at me for an actual response. "Oh you're being serious?" She said, "yeah she said if you want to come out, you can but she will be in to see you once it is over." Are you freaking kidding me?! You mean to tell me that you are pushing back my appointment because you are excited about a damn solar eclipse?! What are we 8?! Why is that such an exciting phenomenon?! I remember the one I saw 20 years ago. I just told y'all the story of the one I saw when I was a little girl. I don't need to see another one. The only difference with this one was how dark it got outside. WOOOHOOO!!! It was dark in the middle of the day. People act like these natural events are just so fascinating. I'm not impressed with the fact that the Moon's path crossed between the Earth and the Sun. If you think about it, it should happen more often since the Moon and the Earth actually MOVE. Which has me thinking even more... If these fools out here think the Earth is flat, how was the sun able to be eclipsed? I mean I'm just saying.

So I had to wait in all my half nekkid glory for a doctor fascinated with the Eclipse before she could tell me the plan. Again, it went completely dark and according to my friend, it did drop in temperature which isn't impressive to me but hey more power to you. The apocalypse was once again foiled and has been postponed. The way this world acts to natural phenomenon is like we'll be on fire and going to hell with gasoline draws on or kerosene panties.

That's it. I didn't exactly think this journey would be without its moments but those are the ones that had me STOP! Hammer time! I wasn't necessarily dancing but I was laughing and it has made this trip easier to deal with so far.

Wait... I was just about to post this when something stupid just happened. This nurse just gave me about 5 pills with no water. What the hell?!? DO you take pills cold turkey?!? Do I look like a junkie?!? I don't work that way man!!! People just popping pills is not my scene considering I am allergic to the good stuff. Sat up here and giving folks pills with no water. You must be used to that shit. Even though I am about to be a chemo-junkie, doesn't mean I want to take pills without water or something to drink?!? C'mon man.