Abrasive and Not Apologetic...

When I started this journey, I was kind of enthusiastic about being able to try and document my experiences concerning being a breast cancer fighter. Now...not so much. There are things I have encountered that should be discouraging but I have used these instances as a way to stay fighting. I know I'm abrasive. I know I swear alot. I know most of you would consider "cancelling" me for the way I handle things. Guess what?!? Go ahead. I am not about to stop being me. My mother keeps trying to tell me this should be a time where I should be peaceful and not as confrontational. What I want to know is why. This is my place to vent. This is my place to let people know who I don't speak with daily know what is going on with me. What is going through my head. Yet, I find that people offend easily and those are the individuals who I need to stay far away from me. I'm not a sensitive individual. I'm tired of handling people with kid gloves. I know everyone is not embracing of my abrasiveness but to some extent I don't care. It gets really exhausting trying to conform to folks who feel a person should act a certain way. Especially my religious friends. Reading about me everyday will change all opinions of me. If you want to keep a good opinion of me then I would suggest you go elsewhere and not read my thoughts. I'm going to be real. I'm going to be offensive. I'm going to be authentically myself. If that's too much for you, then I gladly accept your exiting stage left. It was nice while it lasted.

The reason for this post is because I know people had a trigger moment from me talking very candidly about a woman fighting a weight problem. Guess what? I'm not skinny by any means. I can use putting down a sandwich and picking up a salad. I also need to learn to push away from the table. That still doesn't stop me from being upset at an overweight person marginalizing my situation for the "delicate" situation of hers. Yes, I called her all kinds of fat this and fat that...she is and I won't take it back. What I will do is say for those of you who share her and MY weight issues, know that it isn't personal to you the reader. It is personal to the person I am speaking of. She is my leader in my place of business. She should have acted with better decorum, however, she didn't, and I was not happy about it. Could I have handled it a different way?! I did because I allowed her grace. What I did do was come here to vent about it and not lose my job by telling her how I really felt about it. I let God handle her. My coming here was to release the anger and frustration. Language was used and again I don't care. Are these the actions of a woman who holds God in high regard? Maybe. Maybe not. What I am going to say is there has to be a place where people can at least understand the mental space I am speaking from. Read this blog with a bit of seriousness and a whole lot of humor. I told you from the get that I am all about making a person laugh. This blog while having serious moments is a blog of comedy. She got my angry comedic response here and my peaceful non-angry black woman response in her face. I have to use both. The last thing I need is for her delicate sensibilities getting my ABW reaction. If I allowed that part of my id to respond, I'd be unemployed and homeless for the rest of my life. I wouldn't be able to work in a soup kitchen. That's the nature of the ABW response. Equate it to the tsunami of 2004. I'd much rather release that here than in real life.

Just so you know my blood pressure doesn't go through the roof when I vent here. I vent to myself. I vent to anyone who will listen if they are around me. What I won't do is act beyond what God expects of me. When it is time for me to show my ass, believe me you won't have to buy tickets.

I'm gonna try and do more entries during the week. It gets to be too much sometimes and the only time I can really post is during my infusion treatments. I want to do better about it but know I can get exhausted and just forget. For THAT I will apologize. I should do much better for you as my reader.

Until next time...